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For any parent currently going through the hell that is living with eczema and an allergy diagnosis, especially in the first few months whilst trying to gain control, I'm sure they'll agree that the nights are the absolute worst time in any given 24hrs. They are the absolute pits! Especially the middle of the night (2-4am), when everything seems to just feel worse than ever. You feel incredibly alone, more so than during the day, with everyone else in the house asleep (or at least they are trying to, in spite of the god awful screaming from an uncomfortable, unhappy and sore baby).

Chloe would somehow be oblivious to it all, even now! She's always been a good sleeper, but this took it to a whole new level! Hubby would most likely be on earlies, and desperately trying to get some sleep, before having to get up at 5.20am on absolute minimal sleep and try to function through an 8hr shift. (And also deal with a hormonal, sleep deprived and at-her-wits-end Mrs - poor guy!)

I'd be there, every night (and day) with this inconsolable, screaming, itchy, covered in pus, bloody, mess of a baby, feeling utterly shattered and in the depths of total despair and with no way out no matter what angle you looked at it from.

How I functioned most days for over a year (and still now!) on between 2.5 - 4hrs sleep is beyond me! The body and face bear the scars, and my heart is totally scarred with having to witness my poor boy suffer so dreadfully and be powerless to help him while we went through the fight to find the best fix for him. I look back on it now, as opposed to trying to live through it, and wonder how we did it. It has been quite simply utter hell on earth and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

The hardest thing for me to deal with was the guilt you feel at wishing your child's babyhood away so they can be better, whilst also feeing utterly bereft of the loveliness of babyhood is beyond comprehension unless you've lived it. It's a very strange experience. Babies are notoriously cuddly, and there is simply nothing more special than when your little baby snuggles into the crook of your neck for comfort. Callum couldn't even do this without extreme pain. His face, in particular his cheeks and neck were so badly affected by the eczema, he would have open weeping wounds, which meant anything they touched would cause pain. He would stick to you/ clothes etc if cuddled, and then when moved, it would rip the wound open again, causing even more discomfort and pain. Utterly heartbreaking!

This is just one of the reasons why I'm fighting so god damn hard to find a solution to this horrible illness, and hope that it helps even just a few people, and changes the medical professions perception of how much of a problem it really is!

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