I'm typing this post whilst stuck in traffic, on the way home after a lovely family day, with tears of laughter rolling down my slightly sunburnt face!
Picture the scene....
You've been at Eastbourne Airshow for the day, on a warm and sunny summers day, having drunk quite a lot of fluid to stay hydrated, and you're now stuck in horrendous traffic, not moving, and trying to get home!
Your fairly newly potty trained little dude starts being very vocal about the need to go to the loo.
Hubby stops the car, in a traffic jam, and there's an increase in urgency in the vocal requests from the toddler.
So, you open the passenger doors to create a bit of privacy, pull down the pants and trousers of a now fairly frantic toddler, and hoick said toddler up into a lifted squat position... You know the one, the back breaking, desperately trying not to get your shoes wet one!
Amazingly, he managed to stay dry!
The euphoria was short lived...
Imagine the horror when your little one very relieved, starts to wee, and at the same time curls one out that the hubby would be proud of!!
It shot out so bloody fast, you couldn't compute what was happening until it was too late!
Quite literally 'oh shite'!
The car behind us could see what was going on and were in hysterics!! The hubby was too, most helpful, not! He wasn't the one looking at a steaming pile of s&@t, wondering what the bloody hell you were going to do with it!
All whilst the toddler proclaimed 'ah that's better mummy!'
The little bugger hadn't told us it was 'that' sort of needing the loo!!
10 minutes further down the road, we came to a layby, where the hubby and the daughter emptied their bladders. Little dude decided he needed to go again, and produced another massive wee!
I on the other hand, am typing this, and praying we find a pub to stop at very soon!! If karma is kind, there will be a lovely one waiting for me just around the corner!
In the meantime, I give you my top things to remember:
- Always remember toddlers have the bladder size of a 5p piece, or less
- Toddlers can't control any bodily functions, if it's coming, it's coming, so either duck or dodge, or in some cases, both!
- Be prepared for ALL liquid to pass through them quicker than a torpedo
- Did I mention toddlers bladders are tiny, and have no control
- Never ever run out of baby wipes on a day out!
- Ditto to nappy sacks!!
- Allergy kids on antibiotics get nasty bowel movements that are near on impossible to control
- Don't laugh at the family when you're busting yourself!
- Never be surprised by what you experience with your little ones, you will witness everything, including situations you thought could never happen, proper cringeworthy stuff
- Go with the flow, there's bugger all you can do about it at the best of times!
I'm off to find a pub, and then wine!
I think I've earned, no deserve, a glass of wine after this experience!!
Please share if you've ever experienced anything like this, I'm not the only one, am I?!